Christy--My Obituary

Christina Rozek, age 16, died at Bishop Feehan high school, surrounded by strangers wearing plaid school uniforms. Officials say she died from acute PSAT syndrome. She was found sprawled on the tiled floor, with ten number-two Ticonderoga pencils, all sharpened, clutched in her still warm hand.
She was a ducky and fantastic sister, daughter, friend, and chemistry student. She lived a long and happy life, at least half of which was occupied by activities run by a certain Mrs. L. Christina enjoyed coloring, skiing, and instant miso-soup packets. She was admired by all of her family and friends for her obvious devotion to an establishment named McGuckin Hardware which is centered in Boulder, Colorado.
At the scene of the incident on Wednesday, October 14, 2009, fellow student and test-taker Hunter P.W. claims that while he was reading a particularly confusing problem concerning gumballs, polar bears, and quadratic functions, Christina fell right out of her chair, after marking her multiple choice answer. “It was totally epically weird, dude” says Hunter, age 16.