I fell…for a guy I met on the internet. He said that he was just a friendly, yet lonely middle aged man, and that he’d been waiting a long time to meet a person like me. The thing he didn’t know, was that I too was a creepy internet stalker, and he wasn’t pulling anything on me, and we both knew that we were desperate old men living in our mothers’ basement. That is what launched our incredible romance. An especially steamy conversation of ours last week went something like this.
Stevie-star-struck: “Fred, guess what, I just got a used white-paneled truck. It’s such an improvement from the last one, and the upholstery even smells okay.”
Fred-the-fabtabulous: “Maybe we could go to the playground in your new truck?”
Stevie-star-struck: “I know how you love lollie-pops, I got a 2 lb. bag at the job lot, and we can have a lollie-pop party (just you and me) in my truck.”
Fred-the-fantabulous: “Sounds delicious.”
Fred and I have made a beautiful life together. Three days ago, he moved into my paneled-truck, and now we spend happy days living in the public park parking-lot.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Robert Loggains - Hank Saves Christmas
He told me that we were going to save Christmas.
“No, I’m out of that business. I’m not doing that anymore.” I looked at the wall.
“Come on, Hank. You’re one of the best Christmas savers on the planet. You fought back the people who tried to bring back Ymir, you stopped Queen Mab from taking over the North Poll, and you prevented the Ice Age. We need you to stop Santa’s clone from destroying the world.” He looked at me. “Come on, we need you.”
“I can’t do that anymore. I’m retired. After the things I’ve seen, I guess I’m just all out of Christmas spirit.” I looked at the wall. The head of an ancient Fairy Lord hung there. I saw a picture of me shaking hands with Santa and Odin. I also saw myself at a Jonas Brothers concert, but that’s another story. Also there was this really cool Navaho weaving and…
“Without you the Santa Clone will give coal to every single child in the world! Do you really want a Christmas without everyone magically receiving presents? Our entire economy would collapse! Can you imagine the sad looks on all those faces?”
I sighed, and grabbed my hunting rifle. It was time to get to work.
“No, I’m out of that business. I’m not doing that anymore.” I looked at the wall.
“Come on, Hank. You’re one of the best Christmas savers on the planet. You fought back the people who tried to bring back Ymir, you stopped Queen Mab from taking over the North Poll, and you prevented the Ice Age. We need you to stop Santa’s clone from destroying the world.” He looked at me. “Come on, we need you.”
“I can’t do that anymore. I’m retired. After the things I’ve seen, I guess I’m just all out of Christmas spirit.” I looked at the wall. The head of an ancient Fairy Lord hung there. I saw a picture of me shaking hands with Santa and Odin. I also saw myself at a Jonas Brothers concert, but that’s another story. Also there was this really cool Navaho weaving and…
“Without you the Santa Clone will give coal to every single child in the world! Do you really want a Christmas without everyone magically receiving presents? Our entire economy would collapse! Can you imagine the sad looks on all those faces?”
I sighed, and grabbed my hunting rifle. It was time to get to work.
Robert Loggains - Batboy Marries!
Batboy marries!
In a stunning surprise move, the American hero and future president Batboy and the American singing sensation Miley Cyrus have announced wedding plans to a stunned world.
Given Batboy’s recent return from capturing Osama bin Laden and his (actually alive) husband Saddam Hussein, the move is surprising many people. With Miley’s father Billy ray Cyrus’s legal consent, as well as Batboy’s recent acceptance as an America citizen, it has all been legally approved.
Weekly World News has a team of precognitive agents on the case, and will be sure to keep you updated on events before they even happen!
In a stunning surprise move, the American hero and future president Batboy and the American singing sensation Miley Cyrus have announced wedding plans to a stunned world.
Given Batboy’s recent return from capturing Osama bin Laden and his (actually alive) husband Saddam Hussein, the move is surprising many people. With Miley’s father Billy ray Cyrus’s legal consent, as well as Batboy’s recent acceptance as an America citizen, it has all been legally approved.
Weekly World News has a team of precognitive agents on the case, and will be sure to keep you updated on events before they even happen!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Christy-1st assignment-I Hadn't Seen Her in Years
I hadn’t seen her in years…
Her face was more beautiful than I ever remembered, and I was happy to see her smiling. My sister walked in, so I put down the compact mirror and tore myself away from my own image.
“gosh, you’ve been staring into that mirror like you don’t know your own face.”
“Well, I don’t, its hard to find mirrors in the wilderness, you know, the last time I saw myself was right before the plane crashed, there was a little mirror on the dashboard.”
She looked only faintly interested, and walked away shaking her head. I heard the door close and reached for my compact, but I couldn’t remember where I set it down. I lay down on the old wood-floor and looked under my bed. Ah-ha! I settled down into my favorite chair, and opened the mirror again.
Her face was more beautiful than I ever remembered, and I was happy to see her smiling. My sister walked in, so I put down the compact mirror and tore myself away from my own image.
“gosh, you’ve been staring into that mirror like you don’t know your own face.”
“Well, I don’t, its hard to find mirrors in the wilderness, you know, the last time I saw myself was right before the plane crashed, there was a little mirror on the dashboard.”
She looked only faintly interested, and walked away shaking her head. I heard the door close and reached for my compact, but I couldn’t remember where I set it down. I lay down on the old wood-floor and looked under my bed. Ah-ha! I settled down into my favorite chair, and opened the mirror again.
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